A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
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I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
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I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
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I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
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If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
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If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
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If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
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If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
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Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
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Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
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My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
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She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
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The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. [About Russia]
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When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
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When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
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You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
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You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
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