A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
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A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
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A fool and her money are soon courted.
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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
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A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little "personal characteristics."
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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
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A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.
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A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
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A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
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A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
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A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
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After a few years of marriage a man can look right at a woman without seeing her and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him.
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And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.
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Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper.
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Books, not which afford us a cowering enjoyment, but in which each thought is of unusual daring; such as an idle man cannot read, and a timid one would not be entertained by, which even make us dangerous to existing institution -such call I good books.
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Call the bald man, "Boy;" make the sage thy toy; greet the youth with solemn face; praise the fat man for his grace.
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Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.
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Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them.
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Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.
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Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
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France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America."
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Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
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How like a winter hath my absence been. From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year! What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen, What old December's bareness everywhere!
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In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.
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It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
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It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
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It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son - and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
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Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
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Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
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Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
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Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.
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Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.
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Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
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No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
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No man can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a good time.
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Nowadays, all the married men live like bachelors, and all the bachelors like married men.
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Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
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One man's folly is another man's wife.
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Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.
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Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
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The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
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The hardest task in a girl's life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
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The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
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The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
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There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.
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There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.
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There's so much saint in the worst of them, and so much devil in the best of them, that a woman who's married to one of them, has nothing to learn of the rest of them.
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To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.
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What a man calls his "conscience" is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.
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When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
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When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can pay her, and it's usually the last.
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When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.
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When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
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When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
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Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
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Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.
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You will never win if you never begin.
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