Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
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If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.
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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
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