A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
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A loafer always has the correct time.
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About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.
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All the world loves a good loser.
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An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.
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As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
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Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
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Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.
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Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
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Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
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Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
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Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
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If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
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If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
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If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
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It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
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It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
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It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.
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It's the good loser who finally loses out.
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Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
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Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
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Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.
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Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
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No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
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No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
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Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
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Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
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Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
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Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.
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Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
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Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
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Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
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Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
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The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
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The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
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The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
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The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.
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The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
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The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
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The world gels better every day - then worse again in the evening.
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There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
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There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
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We become actors without realizing it, and actors without wanting to.
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We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
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When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.
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Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?
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You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
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