A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
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A man convinced against his will is not convinced.
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A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
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A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
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Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
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America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
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America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
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An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
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As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.
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Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
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Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
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Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
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Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
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Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.
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Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
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Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
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Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
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Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
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Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions-everyone but a school bus driver.
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Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
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Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
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Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
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Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
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Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
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If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
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If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
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If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
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If you don't know where you're going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
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In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
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It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
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Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.
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Men now monopolize the upper levelsÉ depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
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Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?
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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
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Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
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Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.
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Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
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Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
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The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
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The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.
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The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls; the soldier details his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.
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There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
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There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, andthose who did and never thought.
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When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.
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Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
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You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
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You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
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