An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
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Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
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Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
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I am no more humble than my talents require.
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I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
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I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
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I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
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I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
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I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
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I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
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I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
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Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. [On Dwight D. Eisenhower]
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Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
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So little time and so little to do.
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Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real tinsel underneath.
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Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
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The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
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There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
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There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
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There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
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Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
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What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
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