Peter De Vries Quotes

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

Anyone informed that the universe is expanding and contracting in pulsations of eighty billion years has a right to ask, "What's in it for me?"

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

We turned on one another deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones.