A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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