I got into a heated argument with my mom and pushed her i regret it cause it was over something so stupid but when i worked up the courage to apologize she said "i forgive you but thats something a child should never do and that i should ask god for forgivness cause he will shorten my life" which made me feel like my apology meant nothing this isnt the first time ive gotten in a heated argument with her but this is the first time i really felt she didnt care about an apology i deal with deppresion and this is making me even more depressed and alone idk what to do anymore some times i think about just giving up and taking my life for all the wrong ive done but i never work up the courage to im just tired of feeling like shit does anyone have any advice
I'm dealing with depression for six years now, so i feel like i might see things a bit from your perspective
To start off, you need to control yourself - learn to not outburst, keep some things to yourself. A single wrong word can start an argument, and sometimes we lack the ability to stop ourselves once we started. I lived most of my life with an abusive shouty mother so trying to start an argument would end very badly very quickly, you learn to control yourself fast in such environment. Take deep breathes, count to ten, listen to a relaxing song, just sit for a bit and clean your mind, best way to calm down is to simply distract yourself with something else.
Remember that there are people out there who care about you, and if you truly feel alone - make friends, maybe even friends online? I know personaly a few chats for depressed people, and made a friend there myself. You could probably try praying too, since from what you said i can assume you're christian, it might help you feel better too, who knows?
Remember, you make your own life, you can become whoever you want, try finding a goal in your life and follow it, it will help you slowly leave depression.
That's what i'm doing.