Hi, My husband has been gone 5 weeks now, living with his dad.
Here's my story.......
Firstly me and my husband have been together for 8-9yrs, married for 3-4yrs. We have 3 wonderful children, all planned, a nice house. I am 29yrs old and 'He' is 35yrs old. This is (for both of us) our first marriage.
We work hard to provide for the family and I feel there lies the problem. I work 9pm-2am Mon-Fri (because I have to really), My husband works long hours and only really gets in at 8:30pm and then I head off to work. So we rarely saw each other till the weekends, which is when we obviously have the kids. Sat and Sun nites are spent just watching T.V together. I have said to him not too long ago that we need to make time for ourselves as a couple. Since then everything was fine, we have always been an affectionate couple, everyone thinks we are perfect together, but one weekend he was miserable, I assumed it was work getting him down as usual, as the pressure there is mounting and stressing him out. I know he feels trapped there as we have a family to support and other possible jobs don't pay as well. When I asked him what was wrong he just simply replied as he always does 'nothing'. On the following Monday however he told me he was leaving!!!! I was completely shocked!! Our youngest sons 1st birthday was in a matter of days, then it is our daughters birthday in Nov and then there is Xmas! Were things so bad that he really doesn't want to be here?? I don't get it?
I just don't know what he is thinking. We have always had so much love for each other, days before he went, he was hugging/kissing me saying he loved me (guess he was lying to himself and me) but it seems like he has got himself in a rut, working all the hours he works and not reaping the benefits. Money wise we have always managed to pay the bills, get food on the table and treat the kids, but there is never anything left over for me and my husband, which I was fine with, when our children enter full time schooling I would be able to do more hours, so to me it wasn't a 4ever thing. He says he loves me, but he is not 'in-love' with me, he sees me as a best friend and not a wife. So why didn't he do something about it? instead of just leaving? He has always been a closed book, talking to him is like trying to get blood out of a stone! I just feel lost, our relationship will surely die. I asked him if he feel like there is anything to be salvaged, he says he doesn't think so, but it's too early to tell, so I'm in limbo. Dunno if I want him back if he can do this to me and the kids, but if we can get back to normal and fix whatever was wrong, maybe I could give it a shot. It's just soo confusing as we never argued properly, we had our normal bickering etc.. Everyone is shocked, no-one saw this coming as people assumed we were 'tight', as did I. He feels like he is just plodding through life. I know relationships change, you do become more like best friends than lovers when you work and have 3 young children, all of my friends relationships are the same, I guess now I'm just thinking I love him more than he loves me. Just don't understand any of this really, we were so happy!!
I am truly gutted. He says he still finds me sexually attractive, but feels like the marriage is definitely over as he doesn't see his 'feelings' changing. I asked him if he wants a divorce, at the beginning of our separation he said no, but didn't want to be with me anymore. But recently when I asked him he said he wants a divorce, but not right now as he can't afford one. He wants to sell the house next year and just be alone!! I just don't understand!! He isn't seeing anyone else, he doesn't want to be with anyone else, he misses me, doesn't want to lose me out of his life, but just wants to be friends.........He doesn't want to speak to anyone, I feel like he has thrown 'all' of our lives down the toilet!!! He is being really nice to me, offering to take me shopping as he has the car, giving me lifts etc... I just don't know what he is thinking, does he really want a divorce???