I have little to no self esteem despite being one, if not, the best in my grade level. I have friends and a good life, it's just that I never 'believe' in myself. Everything I do, whether it be an essay for English, art, a sport, etc. I think it's absolutely horrid and that I'm awful. I absolutely hate everything I have ever made, and have never been proud of myself. I know I need to shake the habit, but I just can't stop bringing myself down. How can I fix my outlook on myself?
I think it is normal to be self critical, that is actually a drive to do better. Imagine if you didn't judge yourself or expect more, you'd be one of those arrogant people who go around thinking their way is right and they're the best with no concept of reality. Pride is actually one of the classic, "deadly sins", and it's better to practice humility. Best to just understand how you are, use your best attributes to your advantage, and don't worry about it.
I have very similar problems of that which is stated in your question. However, I find that when people look at the work and achievements that you have done. Often times you will find that people enjoy your work and what you do, which really helps to open your mind and prevent the thoughts of you are not good enough, when your grades and work say otherwise. I have told my self all my life I am bad at Math for example when I am truly not bad at Math, however I say I am bad at Math because I do not enjoy it and when ever I tell people I am good at Math, they tell me to go into a career for Math which I do not want to do.
I am not sure exactly what your reason would be for telling yourself that you are not good enough, but deep down you probably have a reason which normally you want to keep hidden and a secret. If you are more honest with yourself and start to tell people how you feel about certain thing's you do in life. You may no longer hate everything you do.
Another thing I have found is that, often times their are things or hobbies in life that you might not know even exist and you could be insanely good at them. For example, I only got into Art a year ago and now I love it. It is probably the only work I have ever enjoyed doing.
I'll end on a quote, "Your heart is the size of an ocean. Go find yourself in it's hidden depths."
Answer these questions. Yes No
When you look in the mirror, □ □
do you like what you see?
Do you feel that you have □ □
Are you able to stand up to peer pressure? □ □
Can you accept valid criticism? □ □
Can you handle unfair remarks □ □
others make about you?
Do you feel loved? □ □
Do you take care of your health? □ □
Are you happy for others when they succeed? □ □
Do you generally view yourself as successful? □ □
If you answered no to several of the above questions, it may be that low self-confidence has blinded you to your strengths.
For more information on this subject and others, please go to www. jw.org select publications, click on books and type title of book in search box. " Young People Ask volume 1" page 85 . Free downloads, publications or read online. . There is also volume 2.
First of all, I doubt you're "horrible" at everything. Remember, there's always someone worst off. More seriously though, different people just have different skills, but in your case it's probably a different learning style. I would recommend you talk with someone, like a trusted teacher or school counselor, or if you have health insurance talk with a counselor. There's nothing weird about it, and it can help. I wish you luck!
Mostly it comes with age but you just must be able to "punch yourself" mentally and make yourself do the things you dislike. I don't know how old you are but i would advise you not to compare yourself with others so often. One could think others have it easier but we just can't look into them and most of the time they are just struggling as much as we do. And ofc - are your essays judged in a good way? If that's the case, trust your teachers. Nothing wrong with trying to push yourself further but you must also learn accepting a "yes" as a "yes". :)
Thanks for all the help guys! A big topic in all of the responses is that I compare myself to others often, and I for one absolutely agree. I'll try my hardest to keep up with your advice, but it's going to be challenging to stop putting myself down. Nonetheless, I definitely do appreciate it all! :)
Make sure that everyone knows you don't care what they say and that you are you and you change on your own terms in your own time and of your own volition. Trust me, if you start verbally THINKING, "I'm so cool it's not even worth thinking about", it'll get easier and easier from there to believe it. You should expect not to believe it the first few times, but continue it and it catches up. After all, you can't run 4k miles in 12 seconds and just expect without notifying anyone that you'll just BE on the news because of it. (Plus that's impossible---if you're doing that, just THINK about it every time you feel down XD) I've done it several times (probably countable), but I don't count because I just think it and cast it aside before it can subside. It makes self-confidence a constant for me, don't KNOW this will help you but just in case, there's your answer. It was MINE, and IS still sometimes, I have the same problem.