... turns out really brassy but I have been using purple shampoo well. Anyway it has been about a month now and my hair is like a darker dirty brown how can I get to titanium gray without killing my hair any more than it already is on top of it being very fine and a little shorter than the middle of my back
You really really need to learn the business. "Dye" means you add color, and of course that means the result is darker.
Removing color is called "bleach" and that is a more difficult thing to do because bleaching involves a lot more chemistry. Bleach oxidizes things. "Oxidize" means the same as "burn" so you need to know a few things. The best thing is to hire a professional hair dresser who knows what works. Either that or study chemistry for a while.