My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs. I have a small temper, but I'm just a girl. We had a fun night drinking together at his house, he fell asleep on his couch and I went upstairs to wait for him, but I read his text messages... which i usually never do. I found a text to a random girl that said "your a babe" at 3 in the morning, and he was most likely drunk. I was really hurt by it, I never would do that to him, when I'm drunk I'm more conscious about my actions. But being drunk that night i was really upset and went to wake him up. I asked him "who was the babe, who was that, why would you do that" he wouldn't even wake up when I was talking to him, he had to go to bed anyways so i had to wake him up. But i was so angry I took his phone and slammed it on his chest. like a punch, Not too hard, enough to where he could feel it, but I don't hurt him. He was furious and slammed me down to the floor, squeezed my arms and hit me a lot, punching me. i kicked him for defense but he kept hitting me. At this point i was in shock because he was being so violent, it continued in his room he grabbed my face and slammed my body against the wall, when he did that he hurt my eye pretty badly, the contact fell out and my eyelid is bruised. I ran to my car to cry but couldn't drive because i was drunk. But he came out and was demanding me to get out of the car, threatening me and left dents in it from him punching it. I got out and went to bed with him. But slept no where near him, on the opposite side of the bed. I cried myself to sleep as he was telling me to shut up because i was being loud. and its my fault for hitting him first. He thinks I'm hypocritical because i hit him first. But when i hit him its like a girl. he hits me like a man, harder, and a lot more. I know its my fault for starting it, but Im just so hurt from that text. My eye, both arms and back are bruised. I left early in the morning the next day. He called 2 hours later not remembering anything. He doesn't understand what happened. and Im just appalled. I do feel like a hypocrite because i did hit him, but was it okay for him to go this far? He came over even though i told him not to, saying he was embarrassed doing this to me, he felt like he was set up bc i hit him while he was sleeping, he was apologizing to me. and its just so hard, i don't know what to do. He was drunk and vulnerable, but he totally crossed the line because I'm here with big bruises on both arms, and a bruised eye lid. We've had hitting problems before, a long time ago though. he tells me if i don't want to get hit back, i shouldn't hit him. but he hurts me so much more, i don't hit him back after, its not a fist fight or anything. Things just got out of control with him. I don't know if i should forgive him because he was drunk and i started it, or if this is really a problem. please help me. should i accept his apology, was everything really my fault, Its so hard for me to get rid of him, because we've been together for so long, did he cross the line?
Even if you had been acting really mean, invasive, perhaps borederline psychotic nothing would have warranted being beaten IN ANY REGARD. Real, SANE men don't ever think of hitting their women; no amount substance nor state of inebriation, sober, or even a really stressful day(week etc.) gives a mature person any reason to attack someone they "love".. Only a child, or a severely repressed individual operates viciously with logic based on a "you started it" mentality; all the more disturbing to me is his lack of remorse..
But do ask yourself.. why are you with him.. do you feed off his anger? Do you feel as though he had a right to attack you? Is that what you want to go through every day at some point down the road?
My advice to you is to first admit to yourself that he would he have done that in any other kind of situation, sooner or later.
I'm trying to say that he was a ticking time-bomb, but I beg you to listen to me when I say it will not get better if you decide to attempt to forgive him.
If your still doubting, does a word like "forgiveness" erase a memory like that?
The logical move would be to remove yourself from harms way.
I also suggest a police report and a restraining order.
And pepper spray is never a bad idea.
My girlfriend does this every now and again. She tends to stay up later than me (I work; she doesn't) and sometimes she'll get trashed and wake me up hitting me.
On one hand I can't stand it; it's an awful way to wake up. People here are toning down woman-on-man abuse but it's just that, abuse. I love her but really, really, really can't stand being woken up like this. When I say hit I mean it; she once broke the alarm clock over my head, slamming it on my head to wake me up, leaving me dizzy for days.
On the other hand I don't hit back. The closest I've come is pushing her out of the way, as gently as possible, to get into another room where I can lock the door. That doesn't mean I don't want to hit back; if you've ever been woken up by a drunken woman (or, I'm guessing, man) hitting you it's seriously unpleasant. But you just can't hit back -- you mustn't -- or you'll end up .. well, like your boyfriend.
You two probably shouldn't be together. When attacked people fight or flee, often on instinct and especially on instinct if they're sleeping. I'm a flee-first type; he's obviously a fight-first type, making him dangerous to you (though, seriously, only because you attacked him out of nowhere). With or without him you have to figure out how to get your temper under control before you hurt somebody else or get hurt though. If you're waking people up and beating them you don't have a "small" temper; you're an abuser and you should confront that, and get it under control, before you get into serious trouble.
Finally, unless there were more text messages, the "babe" remark is nothing. Depending on how well-known your temper is it may have been a friend doing that on purpose to see how you'd react. If may even have been a male friend grabbing a female's phone to do that as a prank, knowing he'd be in for it. Even if not, people attract flirty looks and messages without doing much, if anything, to invite them. It's not being hit on that's the potential problem: it's how the person hit on reacts, and it doesn't sound like he sent her any message back.
you shouldn't be hitting anyone, just because he's your boyfriend and he's a man doesn't mean you can go around hitting him.... you woke him up from a dead sleep by slamming a phone on his chest, what did you think he was going to do? i don't agree with men hitting women but i also don't agree with women hitting men because they are considered the weaker sex... women want to be treated equal and that's cool i agree with that, but that doesn't mean you can hold a double standard over our heads. first is you BOTH need to learn how to drink responsibly and the second of course is to respect each others privacy and third is obvious, DON'T HIT EACH OTHER... men have a violent nature that society nurture's and when someone provokes them into becoming violent everyone looks around and says, why did that happen? you shouldn't have to be afraid of your boyfriend but you do have to respect that he is human and like any humans he will defend himself and has a right to, sometimes without thinking about who, what or why... why don't you both grow up, that would be a good start...
Miss IndiaJade, I'm a woman, just like you and there are so many things you said I wouldn't do. What is my ethos? I'm engaged and getting married in a few weeks; I have also experienced interesting relationships that I should have left way before I eventually did. A relationship is about 2 equal people. Just because you are a "girl" it doesn't mean you are entitled to hitting your boyfriend no matter how relatively less aggressive you hit him. He is a person with emotions and pain receptors like you. I hate to say it but you deserve what you got. I'm shocked you don't know what to do. Well I will help you. Get your trashy act together!!! You are the one responsible for showing your boyfriend how to treat you. If you hit him, well hitting is ok then. If you wait to talk to him when you are both calm and level headed (after the hangover) and let him know what you read hurt you and you need to know if you are on the same level of the relationship. In short, you have created your own downfall and it's either you catch yourself before you end up in the hospital with a broken limb or a traumatic brain injury or even dead or you leave him!!!!
The fact that he came to your house uninvited especially following him beating you like you are a damn dog shows he cannot respect your boundaries or personal space. And the fact that he doesn't remember is excusable! I dont know how alcohol affects him so I can't judge. What I can point out is how he handles it after he knows! He still disrespects you. I won't take it away from you. You obviously care about each other but sometimes that's not enough. Mutual respect and knowing when to give each other the personal space you deserve matters too! Blessings...for you to clean your act up and for your relationship
What is wrong with some of you people
Didn't your mothers ever teach you how to
Treat a woman seriously he beat her brutally
For getting a phone thrown at him for
Cheating I mean Jesus Christ do yourself
A favor leave him and find someone that will
Treat you right
And this is coming from a guy!
It depends on how big of an apology it was if my boyfriend hit me I would dump him but he shouldn't hit you anyway he knows better although he was drunk... You can maybe forgive him if he is really a great person and that doesn't happen commonly just talk it out and don't hit him again no matter what your anger is just start talking to him or wait if he's drunk or sleeping to talk to him.
Ok hunny first off you are to good and deserve more!
If you hit in one good one and he hits you back the same then I think he could be in the right because was hit and just cause he is a man he does not deserve it. BUTTTT he abused you Hun and he beat you I'm sorry it sounds so bad but it's true. If you don't fix it now and end it with him he will do it again.
He clearly remembers he just does not want to break up and end with his ass in jail!
You can't think it's your fault as you didn't even seriously hit him but he hit you a lot and that is illegal.
Get rid of this price of trash.
You are a women and you are strong and beautiful and you are your own person ad don't let anyone take advantage of you! Or dis respect you! If he treats you like that then he does not love you and you deserve to find someone who loves you and mends you not breaks you!
It's been a while , I don't know if you broke up already or still together.
You have a short temper problem , you hit ..guess he has the same problem so did he.
but hitting again and again ..even not realizing it is actually injuring you , that's bad.
He crossed the line, you should warn him nicely ..give him a last change , I hope there is still some good left, or you yourself know things better.
Don't worry about breaking up ..you will get strong over time.
Actually there are no perfect guys out there , each has his own flaws , so you decide if he deserves your forgiveness. ..(( he didn't let you drive ..he cares ..somehow .....sort out thing ...))
First things first: Get out of the relationship.
If you feel like he is an immediate danger or if you feel unsafe, contact the police or emergency services and try to move to somewhere safe.
Get some support and trust yourself. Remember it is NEVER OK for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you for any reason.
As for you hitting him. I feel like you have some anger issues. As I said before, it's is not okay to hurt or threaten someone. Learn to control your anger and resolve your conflicts without violence.
Hope this helped.
Yes you should leave him. he may had been drunk or whatsoever but hitting you back like this is not right. he can't tell you to forgive him and that you should not have hit first. you're a girl after all, he should know that first you people don't have a same physical strength, second he should have apologizing that's all. and moreover you're are saying that it's not the first time, believe me it won't be last as well. his people always look for a reason to justify such behavior. they put you in a situation where they make you feel that it all happen because of your own fault. and because you're deeply and blindly in love, you wouldn't accept the reality and take all on you. being together for so long, yes it is difficult to end this relationship but such matters will continue and reaching a situation where there will be no love left.
you love him, you people been together for long, how come you still respect your relationship and not him. you should not forget about the text messages. was it a way to escape question from you that he hit you to make you feel guilty? you should ask yourself such question and accept the reality. i will suggest you to move on. end this relationship. drunk or not, you hit first or not, he was not allow to hit you back even though if he considers it as if you hurt his ego or manhood for being hit by a girl. just leave him.