Is he on the autistic spectrum?

Posted:: 3+ months ago by Minztar S...
Topics:: weird, spectrum, always, guys, guy

Details:

I know a guy. But he has always been too weird to be considered a Neurotypical. But he has not been diagnosed yet as there are no psychologists at my place and we do not have much money either.

So, before making any moves, I would like to know if he is autistic in anyway?

Things he does is:

1.) I can read his eyes. Like- he is super obvious about his feelings and stuff. And he is not that complicated. I can always tell what he is thinking- unlike how I am with other guys where I can't tell at ALL what is on their minds. But I can tell what is on this guy's mind.

2.) Many people find him too strange and never speak to him

3.) When he was young, he couldn't speak till he was 10, and then, he eventually learned to speak as he grew up. His English is still very broken till date, but he is good at his first language.

4.) He is good at expressing his emotions but can't always understand mine. (Almost, never understands mine, even when I tell him about them)

5.) He is obsessed about cars and is very religious and kind

6.) But people leave him because he never contacts them. He never initiates contact and prefers being alone?

The thing is, I'm falling in love with this guy. So, should I go for a relationship with him or not? What are the things that I may have to handle in the future?

P.S., I ask this here because yahoo is the only place I can go to right now. There are psychologists at my place and I do not have the money for much anything else. So, please help me... :)

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Anon 25

I am 25 and I have autism. And from what you are saying I can say without a doubt that he has autism. There are different types though. Alot of what you are saying kind of sounds like Aspbergers. I will try to explain the answers to some of your points. Point 1 I am not sure what you mean by telling points by looking in his eyes, but I do know that people with Autism, their eyes are usually different than someone who doesn't have it. Usually they eyes are a little bit more wide and alert looking. Point 2. All I can say is that it is the same way for me. I never really had any friends. Only about 2 or 3 in my entire life. It can be hard for us to make or even keep friends. Point 3. Speech problems are usually a big factor. Sometimes they can be constant talkers and then become mute for a long time for some undetermined reason. Sometimes they don't get into talking into later childhood and sometimes even early teens. This factor can change in the individual. Point 4. That is also very common in Aspbergers. Point 5. People with it do usually tend to have very distinct and very particular interests. Cars, other vehicles, and insects usually are big interests in people like this. Point 6. That is also very common in Aspbergers. You can get to open up more. But I will warn you if you try this you must have alot of patience. It needs to be approached very slowly and simply. Start with 1 person. Only 1. At first even 2 people can be too much and send the person into a very nervous state. I myself over the years have gotten alot better but I too still have quite a few bad moments. I am much more sociably but still the number of people can be a factor for me. Being in a large crowd is still very nerve wracking at time for me. If you loved this guy I will recommend continuing your relationship and caring for him. Who knows, this may be the thing that gets him to improve. I would also recommend checking out a Tv show called Parenthood. The child Max in that show has Aspbergers. If you watch that show and it makes you think of your friend he most likely has it. It could also give you some more ideas on how to help him. I hope these answers helps you.

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Minztar S...

This has lifted a very big storm from over my head. It makes me realise that he wasn't pushing me away on purpose or something but was just built like that and now in this case, I know he at least doesn't hate me. So, thank you for that! :) And I will try to work on it...

Could you also tell me if he can be successful in his life with regards to career or not?

Because he gets low grades and is super tensed about it. I tell him not to worry but he feels that he won't be able to support me in the future because his job will be poor and I just hope that is not true... Because job is not important in life, family is. But he gets so worked up...

Thank you very much for your answer. It honestly helps me quite a lot! :)

I think I have aspergers as I have some symptoms too, but I'm female. So, mine isn't quite as distinct. Either way, hope we can all pull it off one day... So, I wish you good luck, thank you for everything, man! and take good care! :)

Anon 25

It can be a little hard for them to find a good job, but it is still very possible. I graduated in 2009, went to college for 2 years but was not at the time good enough for the classes and left. I wen until about 2014 without a job. I got one as a apprentice in the HVAC industry but left that post because the guy I worked for was very rude and abused me at times because he didn't understand the problems and ridiculed me saying it was my own fault and that I just didn't want to get better. The guy was in a state of ignorance. He did not understand. The sad thing about this kind of disorder is that is not curable. You can treat it so it loses some of its potency a little bit but you will always have it and the symptoms. Sometimes people lost some of the symptoms or tics aligned to it and then get them back years later. It is not always stress and other things. That is the just the way our brain chemistry affects us. But now I got a good job as a inventory worker. I am not getting paid a massive amount of money right now but I do have a steady job and it makes me happy. I would recommend having him check out something called WIS International. That is the company I work for and they are always looking for other workers. They have many different buildings and facilities in many different states. There are alot of people who can help him in that field. The people at the Flint,MI location I go to have been a big help for me and have really been supportive of me. Although to end of a serious note. Never let anyone call you or him stupid. You are not. In fact people who have Autism and Aspergers do tend to be very bright intelligent people. We just show our intelligence and act on their points in a different manner. Hang in there. This may be the most helpful thing you can do for your friend.

Minztar S...

Thank you very much for this, Anon! :)

It is good to know that you have a much better job today

I just hope that he and I can find out happiness one day or a good job one day too.

Thank you very much for your post, Anon..

This really helps me a lot...

I hope you have a great day ahead man! :)

Anon 25

Thank you as well.

Minztar S...

P.S.,

Also, I just saw a few scenes from 'Parenthood' just now and I saw how Max behaves. He has difficulty showing too many emotions or even recognizing them.

What Max seems to portray is a very severe or deep kind of autism, is that right?

I'm not sure because the guy I know does not behave like that at all...

He has many more expressions and emotions than that.

So, am I to take that he is not an Aspie, but just being a bad person or something?

Because I have some traits of being on the autistic spectrum as well but I do not at all behave like Max

Please do let me know if you can, and thank you very much for this, Anon! :)

Anon 25

It depends. Autism is a disorder that can happen in many different ways. It is often different in the individual mainly because no two persons brain chemistries are usually alike. Autism and similar disorders are usually genetic being carried from family members. It can skip generations. For example, the grandfather might have had it but the son didn't, but then the son's son might get it. But sometimes it might stick in all generations as well. It is a scary but true fact. We can't always know. Autism can sometimes even appear out of the blue. I myself wasn't diagnosed with it until about 2ns grade. And then about halfway through 3rd grade I even started showing signs of Tourettes Syndrome. I myself have had a hard life with these disabilities. Mental disabilities can come out of the blue because of stress. A guy can go through life good but then get to a point where he is going through a lot of stress and the brain can't always suppress the anxiety and it causes damage or the individual to go into these dark places where they acquire this behavior or problem. The human psyche is just as unexplored as space or the ocean and we may never know all the answers to these questions. All we can do is try to get better and help the people in need. It doesn't always work but it makes you the better person for sticking to it and trying. I would also recommend finding out if he had any other family members who had similar problems or just talking to his family members in general. Find out if he was always like this or if it came on suddenly. I f it came on suddenly it could be harder to get him into a better position because he went thorough some time without it and may not be sure how to go into a different direction that makes him better with it. I find that people who are born with it can at times get better easier because they have had more experiences with trying to treat the problem with whatever stimuli has been of some help. But to recap Autism and Aspergers does often have different potencies and affects on different individuals. I do want to give and false information but I will say examine him and Aspergers more closely and if you do see anymore similarities than it might be something else. There are other forms of Autism and Autism like problems that are not known as much as that and it might be a possibility that he has one of those. But I can tell without a doubt that your friend has some form of Autism. Hang in there. I believe in you guys.

Here are some links to psychology pages that might be of help.
1.http://researchautism.net/autism/types-of-autism
2.https://www.verywell.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-autism-260611
3.http://www.iser.com/resources/autism-types.html
4.https://www.helpguide.org/articles/autism/autism-spectrum-disorders.htm
5.http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/autism.index.htm

These sites might be of some help. I hope you find what you are looking for to help your friend.

Minztar S...

You are a complete hero. Thank you very much for this, Anon!

Hope I can be of great help to you one day too.

If you ever need anything that a cyber friend can do for you, do let me know, ok? :)

Thank you very much for this, Anon! :D

Anon 25

Glad I could be of help. If anymore questions arise I will try to help as best as I can. Thank you and God Bless!

Anon 25

In that one comment the word not was supposed to be between do and want. The word and between give and false was supposed to be any. Sorry if that confused you when you read it as well. Just noticed it and it made me feel kind of dumb. Oops.

Minztar S...

What!? No way, not at all. Don't worry about it, Anon! :)

My phone makes many mistakes when I'm typing as well or whenever thinking too fast, many things gets mistyped. That is always very normal and understandable. So, don't worry about it, mate! Your message was clear and understandable to me, anyway.

So, thanks for that. And hope you have a great day ahead! :D

Minztar S...

Just a heads up:

It isn't working for us because I was attacked by a few people today. I saved myself and got out of it, but felt very much in need of loving words and stuff.

So, I called my guy (the one I mentioned earlier). He asked "anything important? I'm busy"

I said "no" because I heard he was busy and there were people yelling his name while he was on call with me.

I told him I called him because I was feeling down.

He said "that's really sweet"

I said "please call me back when you're home"

And he said "I've been awake since 4am, I'm too tired right now. Plus I have a meeting in the morning. So, I'm going to sleep now. Goodbye"

So, I said goodbye too...

It looks like it is going to rip off all of my emotional strength to be with this guy.

He can't talk romantic or close. He can't for once tell me he loves me. So I have to keep fishing and and keep guessing- because he told me once that he loved me.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is perhaps still the same.

I do not understand how long I can keep this up.

I'm breaking apart at the slightest now

And yet, I do not love any other guy more than I love him. So, I can't leave either..

We will never know what the future brings. So, I'm just hoping for the best now.

I cannot be very Frank with this guy yet,my situation is so.

Even if not, he did once clearly tell me that he valued his work over me.

And I said no. But he wouldn't change his mind.

So, I'm guessing it is time to let it go?

Because he doesn't look like he needs a girl at all in his life and he is doing great without me

I'm having thoughts of walking away now.

But only the future can tell, I suppose...

I had no one else to speak to about this.

So, thought I'd put it here again.. in the hope that someone can help or reply.

Minztar S...

Thank you, guys...

Anon 25

I am sorry that it didn't work out. My deepest sympathies for your hardship. Not all relationships work out, but the experience of trying one out gives you wisdom. Pretty much all you can do is learn from one experience how to make the next one better. I pray that you do find a guy who is perfect for you. Sorry I couldn't be online when you really needed to talk. I actually don't have my own internet at home, so I am either at the library or a friends house when I am using this site. I also had a 4 day work shift working from like 4:30 A.M.-3:30 P.M. Yesterday was really weird. Went to work a 5 A.M. and din't get home until almost 7 P.M. This is the first time in almost 5 days I got to go to a place to use the Internet. But anyways, I am sorry that it didn't work out. I hope you find the right man to be with. Never give up.

Minztar S...

Thank you very much Anon.

And don't worry about it! :)

I understand that you are very busy...

But thank you for helping me out despite your busy schedule! You are very kind.

Hope things go great for you as well...

Good luck with everything!

Let me know if I can ever help too...

Take good care there man! :)

Anon 25

Thanks. Take care of yourself as well. Even though it didn't work out, it makes you the better person for sticking to it. There is never anything wrong with asking for help or advice. Sometimes the person seeking the wise man has more wisdom than the wise man himself. I pray you find the right man for you.

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