when i was 22 i started dating my ex, we dated for 2 years, lived together etc...but basically i had the opportunity to move to NYC with my friends and i just left him because i thought i still had so much life to experience and i was afraid to just settle down. we ended up braking up...and i wasnt too sad at the time, i started dating other guys and had the best time of my life in NYC. then I ended up moving to Arizona. I started dating a guy that I was friends with in college, he has a good head on his shoulders, is really smart and is really really in love with me. He asked me to marry him and i didnt think i would find a guy that could treat me any better, so I said yes. We have been married for 2 years and although I love him and would never do anything to hurt him, I still cant stop thinking about my ex. I regret leaving him and sometimes I cry because i think i would have been so much happier if i would have married him....i dont know if i am living in the past....i dont know what my problem is, i am just so sad that i didnt stay with him and that i was so selfish. he is now married with a kid, and i am pretty sure he is happily married. we dont talk, i dont live anywhere near him....but i just cant stop thinking about him and hating myself for leaving him. any idea what i should do? i cant tell my husband, i cant tell him, i cant tell anyone...but i have been feeling like this....since i said "i do". it so frusterating!
R u sure, I sense your heart is heavy and hurting.
i think you and your ex should have closure and leave your past guilt and regrets behind and then after that you can move on with your life your husband is someone that is not hard to learn to love and give it all for your marriage to workout since your ex is also having the great time of his life with his own family past is past don't let yourself be drown in past learn to accept and forgive yourself and do anything to have a better future with your husband
I understand what you are going thru. I'm not married but im kinda in the same situation. I have loved my first since I was 16. When we were together, some months down the line, his mother made us break up over some family fuse. Then by the time she found out the truth, it was too late. 11 years I have loved this guy. We talk every now and then but deep down inside im always wondering how my life would have been ya know.
The one good point is that you have not mentioned children, I will presume therefore that you have no children as yet.
If you are sad, and miss your ex-boyfriend, he may feel the same or he may think thank god you left him and made him available to others - (which you did) then someone found the discarded ex-love of yours and decided to remove the sadness you left him with.
Your ex-love since being found and his sadness removed and replaced with happyness so much so that he has had a child, is in a position of security in his love life which you are not, and is probably content with his life.
While you are saddened by your choice of which direction you took, would it not be unfair to upset and disrupt his happy life?
You chose this life, live it.
Here's 3 things for you to remember about your marriage.
When you get married you walk down the AISLE.
After walking down the aisle you get to the ALTER.
Then half way through you all sing a HYMN
So make a new start to your life by saying to yourself " Aisle, Alter, Hymn. aisle alter hymn, I'll alter him".
Just remember the good old times, and be happy for them.
I think he is happy though, I dont want to ruin his life, or my husbands. It might give me closure or something....but I'd rather try to work things out in my head.