I don't understand this behavior and although the thought of him watching me does turn me on, I just don't understand. Could you help please? He fantasizes about me with previous lovers and asks for explicit detail about previous sexual experiences. Im ok with the idea in theory, I'm just worried about this hurting him and our relationship. He also enjoys me telling him made up stories of infidelity in detail.
Responses (16)
what!!u say that this is ur boy friend!!!just one suggestion : MOVE-ON and don't back.3.and the explication of this:thats not a real boy friend .he want u just to be like he want .just have fun and crazy thing..if he love u he don't say to u that!!!thats innapropriate at all!!
Sir, are u a woman hater?
If you want an opinion from an open minded guy, it seems like he wants you to be his porn star.
Frewsax -- You're so right. That's exactly what he wants.
Miss negative and boring. If u were a colour u would be grey
Marky750 -- You're not normal. You're sick and selfish. You're not capable of loving anyone. Get Help!!
Is it normal you ask? No, I don't thinks so, but at the same time, not exactly abnormal!
Is it normal that a woman should get 'turned on' at the thought of her boyfriend or husband watching whilst she has sex with another man? You openly admit that that 'turns you on!!' Ask yourself why! Seems he, your boyfriend, is two steps ahead of you. He has taken it all a little further and developed his fantasy a little more than you have. It's a kind of mental voyeurism in a way. Personally I don't think that that kind of thing is healthy in a relationship.
If he is having to use that kind of mental stimulation in order to have a fulfilling sexual experience/ relationship with you, then somewhere, something is lacking. Don't you feel inferior or lacking in anyway. This is his problem not yours. He is attempting to open your mind to something other. Move you into his fantasy sexual world. Some women / couples find that kind of interplay exciting and stimulating. Does it please you, is it OK? Can you maintain it, is it long term, can you relationship last based upon such?
Look at 'swingers'. A couple go to a party, part for a while, have sex with others then go home happily together and wait for the next party. Is that true love? Does it matter? They are both fulfilled.... or do they just kid themselves that they are... who knows!?
If you are happy with his 'game' then carry on, join in and contribute. If you, as you are, questioning it, or concerned about it then get out!! I think he, your boyfriend, is lacking in confidence about his abilities. He is trying to match his performance against others. The 'made up stories' he wants to hear are all about is a way for him to learn about what you want and what your fantasies are. Once he hears those, then he can try to fulfil them for you.....Maybe!!! He may have a hidden agenda. He may be priming you for the real thing, sex with his mate whilst he looks on! Tread carefully
thank you so much, this has been so helpful. If you interested, time has past and i never went through with it. Has worked out better in the long run.
I was in a three year relationship where the guy I was dating asked me to sleep with another man as part of his fantasy. One day he got the courage to ask me to do it. we spoke about it n fantasize about it. Then it actually happened. He promised it would only be once. He started demanding it n using it against me n threatened to end it because i wasn't showing that I loved him. When I finally put my foot down n I said no, it ruined us. In a small argument he cut me off, told me off by calling me horrible names n it devastated me tremendously! It was unfair n the biggest mistake I ever made. Three years wasted n one massive heart ache! My suggestion: dump him, if ur not good enough for him.....just the two of u... He's not really into u but only using u to fulfill his fantasy. But if your willing to get used , well then more power to ya!! But ask yourself , is it the type of relationship u wAnt n is it worth it?
See. It if both parties are all in, I feel like the bed world is different. It seems more like you were being used, but in my instance I'm liking the idea of her getting off that much harder ya'know? More pleasure, if your relationship didn't work at that point why do you think it would have ever worked?
Oh my god, I did this guys. And now I am so regretful. He is doing flirty things online and he argues back to me saying "I didn't do anything bad, not as bad as you having sex with another man".
I have no idea what to say. Any suggestions?
What has that got to do with the question?
Hello there, this kind of fantasy is called "cuckolding". Not a well known fetish but is harmless. He may not ACTUALLY want you to be with someone else, as that may make him jealous he simply may LOVE the idea of it. I'd try "pretending" first - say you hooked up with a man at the gym and then in a couple of months see how it would pan out! If he has brought it up, trust me, you will not hurt his feelings, but my advice would be to "play make believe" first. He might just like that better. Men have a lot of fetishes, cuckolding is one, school girls is another. And many women also have some fetishes! Good luck - and enjoy!
Well said bb8gal
Thank you for your comment. You have definitely made me feel better about this situation.
Usually this type of fantasy is exhibited by someone who carries an extraordinary amount of personal guilt due to actions that directly resulted in someone being physically/emotionally hurt... I.E. a ruthless boss/supervisor, service personnel who have killed, dirty ass useless crooked cops, etc.. These individuals utilize this fantasy as an diversified outlet of retribution.. My opinions are my own and in no way directly reflect the opinions of anyone else I associate with.
What made you say this? Did you have a bad experience?
Well everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Personally I am one of those guys....we did it. It all started from me. I'm not gay. It's not an easy topic to share and because we are all different ,we enjoy different things. I would say in your case just be very open with him about your feelings and there is no rush. Take one step at a time and see how it goes. BB8girl has a good point. Maybe if you see a guy that you would be comfortable with, then flirt a bit with him in front of your husband. You will know then If he can handle it. Most importantly don't do it if you don't want to try it. Other than that ...We loved it.
Do u think he loves me less if this is the fantasy talk that he gets into?
In today's society, this is normal. This is called "cuckold". There are actual studies on this and explaining the actions and reasons why some people crave this and it dates back to not sure when, but its not anything new.
Some say it's gives a sense of ownership that a man may allow other have his woman for sexual pleasures and in the end of they day he still has her heart and still belongs to her (Don't mean to sound like I'm itemizing woman)
Others say it goes back to sexual competition, that a man must know that if his mate were to go out and have sex with another man , that she'd come back to him and would show she favors him over the other, giving him a sense of "I'm better than the other guy was so she came back to me"
Also it may be males insecurities, he may want you to experience it, come back and tell him your experience so that he mold himself to match or even better himself over the other male.
The list goes on, but another one is I believe whats called "Sperm competition" causes you mates sperm to race faster and causes your mate to thrust harder and deeper knowing he has to compete with another males semen, it's all research and if you look its all there, sorry I don't have all the statistics on hand, but I recall the subject.
Normal?
I guess that depends on how you would define normal. Regardless of whether it's normal or not, it's wrong! Don't go there! It's wrong morally, it's wrong Biblically, it's just wrong on so many different levels.
After reading your question, I decided to ask my husband if he'd enjoy watching me have sex with another man. Of coarse he said no, but when I told him why I was asking, it opened up a lengthy discussion between the two of us. He came to the conclusion that from a physical standpoint, yes, he'd probably enjoy watching any couple having sex, regardless of who they were. But our relationship is based on more than gratifying our fleshly desires, and he said there's no way he could ever watch me have sex with another guy. That's not love in any fashion. I also find it disturbing that you would say that the idea turns you on. I must ask, what was your relationship based on? I think I know the answer, and may I caution you that any relationship based solely on physical desires will fail. Don't get me wrong, sex is great. But it's not something that either me or my husband care to share with anyone else.
Sorry to be so blunt, hopefully it helps with any future relationships.
Wow completley femanised answer and completley biased, proving that said womanwho commented has more teeth than brain cells. If your fella feels that way, it is because he wants to make u more dominant in your relationship and likes the idea of u with other men. Not because he wants to sleep with another chick! So ignore the half wit brain dead twats that oppose it, cuz they are sad and lonley