I'll try to keep to the facts.
I have very little money, no real vacation time. My daughters getting married in Oregon and I am in California. She has invited my dad, step mom and me. Not my mother, sister or boyfriend I have had for 5 years. (groom to be's mom is in Cali and so are all of us) so again..... all family is traveling pretty far for the wedding.
by the way... it is in December right in the middle of the holidays in cold weather. More expensive car rental, hotel room and plane flight.
Her invite says... pot luck food and drink. Punch, sodas, chips, dip, cake and ice cream. She is having an Ipod for music. I need to tell you that I am a restaurant server and have been for over 30 years. I know how not having a DJ could really make a wedding boring. I offered to pay for DJ. she said no. Another, by the way.... I am not and have not been involved in any part of this wedding.... zero!! Nor have I been asked. I asked about beer and wine.. and that I would pay for that... she said no.
So here is my thing....
I work 6 days a week. I am a waitress. I lose money by taking time off, so I only take time off if I absolutely need or want to. So going to Oregon and going to the wedding is a vacation for me... my only vacation that I will be able to take at least for a year.
The wedding seems to be worse than a redneck wedding. Sorry... there is a lot more that I haven't shared... but its a mess.
I have to spend $1500 to see my daughter wedding. Again... I will make it a vacation as well. She will be very busy the days before the wedding and busy after the wedding... dah!!! I will have zero time with her. Again, I am not involved with the actual wedding. So basically... $1500 for an hour watching my daughter. Oh... she is 22 and he is 35 or so. I don't have the option to have a glass of wine (on my vacation) Kinda hard to swallow... but I'm kinda ok with it. Now no date. If the wedding is pot luck... why does it matter.... we will bring our on food or we wont eat... not that big of a deal.... She said there is not enough chairs... fine, I'll stand. Still no.
I dont know if can really afford this. I am sick with an illness and a lot of my money goes to doctors. I also miss work because of my illness. Stress, bad feeling and any weird out of the emotions affect my illness. my body shuts down... I shake and get very ill. I'm not involved it the wedding what so ever and every time she even texts me... I become ill. Sorry... but her drama makes me physically sick. I am afraid that one little bad stare, comment or a mishaps with throw her into bridezilla (which she is one anyway) and It scares me that I have to put myself in that situation. She doesn't care about my illness. She had no regard for it or how it makes me feel. Sometimes I think she does it on purpose. I have had the illness for about 6 years now... so its not like this is all new.
I mentioned Cake and Ice Cream. The way everything is going... it seems like a 5 year olds party. So I am going to put myself through physical hell, spend lots of money, not drink on my vacation (which I can deal with) no date to go to a cake and ice cream party. Yes, we do have a strained relationship... so I do what I can. She has no respect for other people. if you dont do for her... your are a bitch. doesn't matter if you gave her a million dollars... if she wanted a million a one dollars and you didn't give it to her... you suck and you need to die. Seriously.. she is very selfish.
So now you have the 411....
I dont want to go. I really really dont. My mother missed my wedding due to finances and we both lived through it.... do you think it is wrong not to go? I really think that's a lot of money to spend for my situation. I wouldnt have any problems going and doing everything she asked if it were closer and I was not spending my emergency funds. But again she is selfish and if I dont come.... she will tell everyone what a bitch I am. I dont mind if she tells people... but she believes it. If she just looked beyond the tip of her nose... she might have a small bit of compassion for her guest... or HER MOTHER.
Would you go?????