My 9 year old soon too be step-son is not wiping properly. We had talked with him about it, showed him how to use a lot of toilet paper, tell him take his time and don't stop till everything is clean, provided wet wipes in every bathroom ect. His father and I have discussed how nasty it is, not to mention unsanitary, and that people will make fun of him for smelling. He still has dirty underware. My fiance would get pissed and throw them out after yelling at his son but that just costs us money and the problem is still not fixed. Every time I get on him about it he either cries or says I was sick today. In the begining I gave him the benefit of the doubt but now I am pissed! We wont let him eat spicy foods when we have him, I have taken allowance away, I am even thinking of having him hand wash his dirty underware, what next?? His mom says she does not notice it as much and doesnt know what to do. He is a bright kid with good grades and this is generally the only problem we have but in my opinion this is a huge probelm..... any suggestions????
Answers (2)
Are his underwear super dirty? Or is it just alittle? If it's just a little I think your making a big deal over nothing and you should leave it alone... If it's alot then Maybe try a calmer approach. I understand that it can be frustrating but yelling and taking things away isn't benifical in this situation. Have you tried sitting him down and calmly discussing why he does it? Is he having problems going to the bathroom? He may be embarassed to tell you because everytime he has an accident he gets yelled at. take a big breath and try and not over react when this happens.
Hope this helps
I apologize, I didn't mean to come off as rude and I completely agree with you. I think that having him hand wash his own under wear is a good idea as well maybe i want to use the threaten but it's all I can think of lol, but maybe threaten to make him wear " diapers"( just like the ones some older kids use at night if they wet the bed) just explain to him that it's a big boy thing to take care of yourself including wiping correctly, and until he can do that diapers it is, like a toddler. Maybe that will make him try harder. Boys at 9 would not want to have to wear a diaper like a baby
hopefully this is more helpful, again I am sorry if I came across rude on my first comment, I didn't mean it they way I typed it out(- if that makes sense)
Please do not apologize! I am just frustraded and stressed. I was in no way offended by your suggestions. Its just that I have tried yours and everyone elses suggestions regarding this matter! I have been told by friends to try diapers but that seems sooo wrong plus I do not want to be taken to court by his mother!. I am going to be patient and pray to God It gets better! Thanks
I have to say from experience that yelling is always the wrong answer. I myself did that same thing to my step-child and I totally understand that as a LAST resort after many other efforts that the feeling to scream is easily done. My 10 yr old had this same issue. After every attempt I could imagine I tried the approach of keeping track of what he was doing at the time of his "problems" and then I would sit him down and talk about the issue. After many many conversations without yelling and causing shame about his hygiene, I was horrified to found out that he had been molested by an Uncle on his biological mother's side of the family. He had apparently believed that as long as he kept his bottom "dirty" that the Uncle wouldnt want to bother him. I pray that I never feel the feeling that I had when he told me that ever again. I felt horrible for every loud voice and every complaint I ever made to him about his issue. Try to get to the bottom of the issue and see what it is that is causing it b/c no child wants to smell and be viewed as dirty. I pray the issue your step son is having isnt the same as mine but there is a reason behind it. Take him to a doctor and see if that helps. Always remember that shaming a child will only make him hide it better and feel like he cant trust you enough to come to you in the future. I know its easy to get frustrated but try to keep it in mind not too. Good luck!
hi have you found anything that is helping..
ive got a 9yr old son who is doing this n me n his dad are at our last straw we have try to talk to him it ends in tears we band friends coming round.. n now taken laptop away..
they dont realise the smell n we only trying ot protect them
I am going through the SAME FRUSTRATING CRAP not only is my sin taking clumps if cheap out of his butt when I do a wipe check but he is lazy he does not want to do anything quick he wears his clothes like he has no brain at all I mean he will walk out looking like a christmas tree then he vowed to never take a poop again hew also takes three showers a day and when I catch him off guard RIGHT OUT OF THE SHOWER HE STILL HAS POOP IN THE TISSUE I am so freaking fed up I have three girls and even the four year old wipes clean SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE I AM OVER THE TOP FRUSTRATED
I am having a similar problem with my 9 year old son. He tries to wipe himself properly, but he seems to have a lingering smell of poop on his clothes and hands...even if I can't see any visible signs. We have tried to change the way he wipes...front to back, back to front. We have tried to have him wipe with "squares" and with " loose wads" of paper. We have tried "standing" and "sitting." We have the flushable wipes near the toilet...and he IS using them. ( He is NOT trying to wipe poop on walls, etc...as I have seen some people post. He is not just refusing to wipe...as I have seen others post.) He is actually trying very hard...he tries every new suggestion. He is now hesitant to come around me or his dad after he poops because he is scared we are going to tell him that he smells of feces! Please help!!! Any suggestions will be welcome...except for those that suggest the "belt", as if he is rebelling! He is trying! Thanks!
I have the exact same problem. My stepson is almost 10 and he has been sent home from the neighbors because he stinks and told not to come back unless he's clean. How embarrassing for him and us. I have to sometimes wash his clothes twice to get the smell out. I don't know what else to do with him. We have talked to him so many times I can't count, tried shaming him by telling him that the kids will make fun of him if he continues to smell, and yelled at him. He now lies to me when I ask him if he pooped his pants again. He hides the underwear under his bed, which of course makes his whole room stink. It is so frustrating. I think he is outside playing and doesn't want to come in so he waits till it's too late then it's a bigger mess than if he had gone when he had to. What do you do???
I am having the same issue with my 10 year old stepdaughter. We've had a heart-to-heart talk about hygiene. I bought her the younger American Girl book that deals with her age group about issues she is or will be experiencing with her body, but it's collecting dust. Her mother says this has been an ongoing issue, which I can't understand because I have seen the "aftermath" when I do the kids' laundry for several months. Plus, this would obviously reduce and explain her frequent UTIs. I don't know what else to do other than having a stronger talk with her and having her hand wash her filthy underwear by hand. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
My stepson is doing this plus bedwetting at almost 10yrs old!!! His father and me have been dealing with this for 3 godforsaken years,,and before me his whole life..I come to find out a couple months ago that my husband's mother has been wiping the childs butt up until the time he came to live with me..I found out also on sleepovers at his grandmother's over this summer she was wiping for him.. when he came home from these visits his bathroom behavior is ten time worse and it takes him two weeks to stop wetting and soiling himself!!! I am at my wits end.. He makes me feel like the evil stepmonster cause i want him to take care of himself...He has been babied and coddled and been the gmoms favorite and he can do no wrong in her eyes! therapy hasnt worked either,,,Im glad to c im not the only person going thru this!!!
This may be lengthy but this will help in general. When I moved in with my husband, my stepson (9) lived with us full time was not wiping at all. His hamper smelled, he smelled and I had no assistance from my husband. Talking, reasoning, reassuring, gold stars & extra attention, punishing, hand washing his underwear; none of it worked. Diapers didn't work because he was changing for gym in the stall. Then he got a nasty bacterial infection from wearing the diapers and didn't say anything until it started bleeding! Sometimes keeping their behavior a secret isn't a good thing, so 'threat of exposure' is far better than words. I made my step-son wear a sign around his neck saying "I don't wipe my butt after I poop". He wore it all weekend no problem, but on Monday when it was time for school that walk down our nice, long driveway to meet the bus gave him plenty of time to consider his options. Halfway up I called for him to come back and he was in tears. I asked if he was going to wipe or wear the sign and that was the end of the problem. Another method system is 'boot camp'. Clean the bathroom with a toothbrush, do 20 push-ups and if they do it again; 20 push-up and 20 sit-ups. Sometimes writing a proper apology letter is good for correcting bad behavior, but it can also be used in this situation. Discussions, talking loudly, reasoning, punishment, etc. is quickly forgotten, but writing a one page 'report' on the subject soaks in much better, especially when they have to do it every time. Most people these days feel 9 is too young for responsibility and serious consequences; NO! We ALL loose our temper and shout occasionally, we're human. What counts is what we do afterwards. Apologize for how you 'handled it' but don't let that overshadow the issue itself. Get to know your child well, because what works for one may not work with another. As long as you let your child know that you love them despite their 'flaw', you'll get there. On more HUGE piece of advice; let your child know early on that lying gets them into much worse trouble than the act itself.
Please research "encopresis". This is a medical condition very common in children.
It's not as big as your making it. Don't make the kid feel like the issue at hand. Realize that this kid isn't doing it on purpose my gosh lady maybe because it's not your son your not handling it w care. But think of this do you think he wants poop on him? Do you think he wants you all talking to him negatively because of something he can't help NO!! He CANT HELP IT!!! Jesus try this because my son had the same issues. Have him go wipe through out the day just sometimes ask him to go wipe and it check to make sure he's all clean. Keep extra trash bags (one ontop of the other) in the trash can and ask him to pull that trash bag if he puts dirty wipes in the bag and throw it away. My brother went through this and you can traumatize a child lady's. Stop!!!! Saying to him how nasty it is and that it's his fault ITS NOT HIS FAULT MY GOSH THINK ABOUT DO YOU THINK HE WANTS YOU TALKING DOWN TO HIM MAKING FEEL BAD BECAUSE HE DOESNT ITS NOT HIS FAULT. Give it time and LOVE THAT BOY ACCEPT HIS SHORT COMINGS AMD STOP MAKING HIM FEEL WORSE!!!
It depends sometime a little sometimes a lot! Even a little is wrong at the age of 9 sorry it does not seem ok to us. Well we have been calm for the past sayyyy 2 years. We have calmy tried to explain the problem . He always has a different excuse! My stomach hurt, i didn't know it was there, I was running and it happened, i felt sick ect. So Calmy I asked his mother to possible take him to the doctors in case there is a medical problelm. Or I will take him myself but still nothing is fixed. I agree that Yellling at a child is never the first option but at nine years old with this problem, what other option do we have? It is nasty and needs to be resolved now. I researched info on this problem and I found that MOST boys who do not use proper hygene in the present tend to carry the nasty habit on until they are adults! Why should anyone have to deal with that? Even more why would you want your child or anyone for that matter to be made fun of because they smell or have dirty undies???? If you are of normal intellegence there should be nooo issue with wiping! I am taking a deep breath and trying to avoid this sweet boy from having further issues????????????