I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't see. Nothing is here anymore. The life I live is an illusion. I can't see beyond this dream. There is no hope. The only reason I keep going is because of my family. I'm nothing. No one. And everyday I keep going. No one really cares. I show them my pain for an instant, and they laugh, they tell me to get over it. They say that what I'm feeling is not justified. I mean dad has been dead for seven years. Is he even dad anymore? I've been calling him Chris for so long. He shot himself, you see. I'm quite angry at him for that. I question why he did what he did. But most of all I just miss him. I questioned why he did it for so long that I began to understand. I caught his disease. And now that I know his pain, I can't get rid of it. It's part of me, you see. Part of my blood, part of my DNA. I maybe I really will end up like him. Like father, like daughter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. These things I say to myself. Maybe the darkness will take me too. Because I'm already falling. Spiraling down the deep dark hole...

I won't kill myself though. I don't have the stones to and I love my family too damn much.(and I don't wanna go the same way as daddy)

But it's just so hard. (lol that's what she said)

I'm probably(definitely) depressed, and my doggie just died. And I moved out of my childhood home, away from my family. And I just started high school. And my mom had a new baby. And my parents are fighting. And I'm having self-image issues (overweight haha). And all my friends are leaving me (high school, ya know?)

But its all cool (dark).

Matter of fact, it's all dark.( I think it's marvelous)

hahaha. I LOOOOOOOVE IT. WOOO!

Falling down the rabbit hole...