Every time I go out with my boyfriend my 18 year old gets really upset with me. If me and my boyfriend get into argument. Instead ad of her asking if I'm okay she talks down to me telling me I'm stupid and that's why my man doesn'twant me. She also tells me hhe's not my boyfriend that he's a trick. And when I come back from seeing him she attacks me verbally and doesn't really wanna talk to me. I don't understand what's her problem. Can anyone help me? Also my boyfriend has did so many nice things for me. Like buy me my favorite cake on mother's day, bought me a car, and we do everything together. So I'm very confused in why she feels he doesn't want me. When he and I are always together. Please help me I ddon't understand her behavior. I can't share anything nice about him to her. Without her getting upset or just plain out telling me she doesn't want to hear it
Responses (4)
No she doesn't the guy she's messing with is a total jerk. Never pick her up tell her to leave him alone. Doesn't want anything to do with her. And might add she makes friends with people that have hurt me. And that don't like me. Her so called boyfriend tired to sleep with me. And even ask her if he could. I'm afraid Iccan't trust her around my boyfriend. I just feel her jealousy is abnormal and see might try and sleep with him just to hurt me. Maybe because her boyfriend tired to sleep with me
I'm not entirely sure what she is thinking, here's some thought. I think she might be feeling as though this man is coming in and replacing her father. (I, obviously, don't know what the situation with her father is, whether you are divorced or he passed away.)
She might also be afraid that you are going to leave her. Each time you go out with your BF she is probably feeling like you are abandoning her. (I know this wouldn't your intention or the case, but teens have a way of taking things and blowing them into bigger issues.)
It might be worth your while to go on a mother-daughter date, something she enjoys where you can both let your hair down and have fun, create good memories together.
If she starts to talk down to you, stop her. Tell her in a calm way that her behaviour is not appropriate or acceptable and until she is ready to talk like an adult, you won't talk to her.
If she gets worked up and keeps yelling, tell her to go to her room or out of the house, anywhere she can calm herself down. Remember you are the parent, so you need to be strong. (I am sure you are.)
I think she would also be saying those nasty things about you as she is insecure in herself and she is trying to bring you down. Don't let her drag you down to that level. If she talks to you in that you don't like, let her know.
It sounds like what she needs is security, security that you are still going to be there for her and even though you are entering a new stage of life, your love for her is as strong as ever.
To you I say this, be strong, be tough if needs be, be sympathetic, be kind and be loving. (I know you can be all these thing and are these things in abundance.)
I hope this helps.
And her father has life in prison. He went when she was 5. She doesn't remember him.
Sorry I took a while to answer, but I’ve been trying to think of the best advice to give you.
First, I am so sorry to hear this, it must be difficult for you.
I can understand that you must be at the end of your rope with her.
Don’t be afraid of what she might do to your relationship, remember love conquers all.
When she talks down to you, be strong.
Don’t worry about what she thinks you do or don’t deserve, that is not for her to determine. She must be feeling so bad about herself and the choices she has made that she is trying to remind you of previous decisions you have made in the past to make herself feel better.
It’s great to hear you’ve been going to therapy, I’m not sure how conjoined therapy works, so it might be worth you while if you both also have separate sessions if you aren’t already.
She may even need an intervention or some time in rehab. (This could be pricey, but have a look into it.)
My final suggestion might be a strange one, even the hardest one for you. Find a church, go there. You will surround yourself with people who care for you, support you and build you up. You have been broken over and over for many years, it’s time to start the spiritual and emotional healing. (I warned you it might be strange.)
I shall pray for you and your daughter. God bless.
No I don't think its strange I haven't been to church in a long time. I thank u for your words of wisdom. I believe god is telling u the right thing to tell me. Because because u hit the nail right on the handle. She is using my past against me. Its like this she sees me working drug free for 10 years and I'm finally starting to cone out of my depression. And she feel because of my poor choices in my past. That Iddon't deserve to be happy. When she was smaller I placed her with a family member because I had a nervous break down after I had been sober for about a year. And being sober I had to face my problems head on. I just couldn't cope we were running out of money and food. I did what I felt was right. But in her mind she felt like I was weak and abandon her. I would still visit her almost everyday buy her clothes take her to the YMCA with me. Go bike riding u name it. So its not like I placed her tthereand forgot about her. Anyways long story short I just feel its time for me to let her go just a little until she can forgive me. And realize that I broke down because I always had mental health issues. Which I'm taking medicine and she downs me about that as well. I just want god to fix this. I'm tired of being upset everyday. O and conjoined therapy is when a therapist sits with both at the same time and help us both understand each other triggers, strength,, goal meeting and problem solving to help us have a better relationship.
I don't think anyone could argue that you were not doing the right thing for daughter, either now nor back then.
I certainly believe that even though you may have made some mistakes in your past (haven't we all?), you still made the best choices for your daughter with what you had at the time.
Even now, I think you are making the right choice for her and yourself.
(P.S. Thank you for being so open and honest about everything.)
OK then, it is now obvious to me that she is jealous - what is not clear to me from the question, is she your friend or relative? Either case I think you should have an open discussion with her and tell that you expect her to stop arguing about your relationship as that is not actually none of her business
She's my oldest daughter and she is 18 years old
U be surprised how many times I've ask her to not speak up on me and boyfriends business. And how it upsets me when she does it. And still she do it over and over. Just to hurt me. If I'm crying and upset she's tires to upset me even more. I feel like she feels I don't deserve to be happy because she's not. I don't even think she realize how jealous she is. She even disrespect my parents and other adults that's over her. She cares about no one but herself. I used to do her hair buy her clothes only to get told I just used u bitch and I didn't wanna see u I just needed a ride. So I feel its best if I stay away from her for awhile until she can appreciate me. I told her to call me only if it were an emergency are if she's in danger. Because Iccan't take it any longer
You'd be surprised that how your aacting nowwwwwww
Excuse me time to let go. Just what are u trying to say. If u don't have something nice to say. Or see the story for what it really is. Then don't respond thank u.
Thank u and I think u hit it on the nose. Well I be honest I told her I'm moving out with him. And she's not allowed to live me me. For one she's on drugs and I can't take her highs and lows. When she on them and off them. She's also sells her body. I'm just afraid she will try and destroy what I have going with him. She's been very abusive tome calls me out of my name spit on me and has tthrowed food and soda all over me and my car. She talks down to me about my other children. Which are her younger brother and sister. She has made them turn on me. They come and tell me all the bad things she says about me. She told me she hopes I die. She just can't seem to forgive me for my pass. I've did everything I could do to make things right with her. Even doing conjoint therapy for the last Six years. And take her everywhere with me. But it always ends bad because see tries to bully me and talk down to me. Tell me I talk to much shut up. And I have to end it because of the disrespect