I am a college freshman this year and have been at school over a month. I am completely miserable here. I have always dealt with mental health issues just never really talked about them to people. I attend a small LAC in the middle of no where. There is nothing within 90 miles to do and it is very boring on campus as well. I feel so trapped and claustrophobic here, like I can't even breathe. I only live about an hour and 50 minutes from the school so I have been home every weekend but these next few weeks I'm not sure if I will be able to go home and that scares me. I also think some contributing factors to me being so miserable is the fact that I miss my family greatly. I am a very closed off person and don't find it easy to connect with people on a deeper level. My family makes me so happy to be around which is rare for me. I struggle with being happy as well. I have never wanted to be home and with my family more than I ever had at this point. I want to move back home after first semester and go from there. I also play basketball here and regret my decision to play. If I was not playing basketball I would have never came here. In all honesty I'm not sure why I chose to play college basketball, I think it is because that is the only way I can identify myself, with the sport. I say to myself often why did I come here and have began to realize that I made a very rash last minute decision to commit here in April. There is nothing glamours about this place. I feel like I am in hell. I have put myself out there and done things that I would never do and have tried to get involved on campus. I have never quit anything in my life so this is not a trend for me. I am very hardworking but this is taking a drain on me mentally and it is not good for me. So with that being said, should I leave at semester and transfer to a local community college back home for the spring semester and see what happens from there? Would I be a coward to quit the team in the middle of the season? Although I am just on the jv team because I am a freshman. My mom said I just need to make it a semester and after that I can do as I choose but I don't want to feel like I am letting my family down. I also feel as though it is time to do something for me, something that I truly want and not be so scared about making a decision.
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