I'm an 18 year old boy and i have been with my girlfriend for 9 months now, she is a wonderful girl and when im with her i feel like im so fiercely in love with her. for the first few months of our relationship we were able too see each other nearly every day, i had an amazing time everything seemed to be going perfectly :D before i begin i would just like to note i feel something for this girl which goes beyond physical attraction i have never felt anything like it. i cant get enough of her personality or her sense of humour or her sweet nature, shes very intellegent and very beautiful an amazing catch .
However , during our relationship shes broken my heart two diffrent times and each time i have forgiven her because i have felt she truly regretted her actons. the two incidents included a major lie which had me worrying and thinking for about a month and had me feeling so sorry for her and her family over it and i worked my ass off trying to help her and her family and its the sort of lie a reputation could be ruined over completely, however i handled it like a gentleman because she eventually came clean and told me the truth, but i was so shocked that it was a lie i was actually physically ill when it hit me. i was quite disgusted and dissapointed and i thought the girl i had fell in love with wasnt as sweet an innocent as she made out, im a very emotionally guarded person untill you know me and i had told her things about my family that id never told anyone before and i felt remorse over telling her because i was scared she was going to tell people those things if i left her. but thats not the reason i forgave her. (would you belive through this i did not raise my voice or loose my temper) i also threeatened the few pople i had asked advice off on how to help her if it ever got out what she had said who were my very close friends but recived a physical threat none the less
. . after a few weeks i let my guard down again and began to belive we were back on the right tracks i helped her pass her gcse drama practical exam which was great because it resulted in her getting a scholarship for drama in college. but we were then in a long distance relationship and still are, i find it difficult im very sensitive for a guy but i dont belive ive been at all over protective and i havent been reading her mail or anything like that because what use is love without trust. then after a few months she begins to act strange closses her self off to me emotionally talks to me very short, and i was getting myself all upset beliveing she wanted to end the relationship and i continued to upset myself every night for the entire two weeks leading up to the time she came home and i got to see her in person. And i ask her "are you here to break up with me" and she replies " i can see how you'd think that" i remember the conversation word for word and it haunts me, she tells me how she misses me and that theres another guy who she doesent know if she has felings for or not . . . quite frankly at that point it felt like she was digging my heart out with a spoon, after a long conversation and a long night she decides that she only liked him because he reminded her of me :/ ok two things i want to underline about this incident
1 : it felt like she took the piss that night she lay in my arms blatently flirting and texting him constantly then moved so i couldnt see the texts ( my blood was boiling but would ya belive i didnt loose my temper in the slightest i hid my emotion)
2. the next day she asks me if she can go bowling with him and talk to him about it etc rather than come see me which she knew she was able to do because she asked me weeks before if we could do something that day and then thought id forgotten so again played stupid
( i grit my teeth decide to say yes through text and i spent most of that day crying in my best mates arms thinking she was off doing god knows what with another guy he offered to take me there and kick his head but im not like that it wouldnt have benifited me in the slightest )
( all these negative feelings are all still inside of me and i cant find a release for them the only time they dont tourment me is when im with her she makes me feel so calm , and i find alchol a temporary release their as painful now as they were the day i first felt them)
after all this , this year i go to the army for a minimum of 4 years which requires enourmess amounts of trust because its a very long distance relationship , i still love her fiercly but im waiting for the next heartbreaking incident, and she pretends like none of it happened and i feel its wrong that im still suffering and she has forgiven herself is that wrong? also she keeps makeing comments about her drama career because she has a role where she has to kiss another guy and i dont feel comftarble with that but i can accept it, what i cant accept is that she keeps jokeing that takeing her clothes off and kissing other guys is the only way she can make it big as actress and the more i think about it the more it seems true. i think im too sensitive too endure the mental stress of it all and im not sure theres a future, even though she claims to love me as fiercly as i love her. . . im convinced im going too get hurt again :/
should i end it ? i dont think i can take it anymore even though i love her she just seems too have no idea how much it all hurts me and little flirty comments etc on facebook to the other guy and stuff it all drives me crazy, help me people i go insane with rage some nights thinking about it all and its getting worse , i also have alot of other stuff going on , on top of this , ( i convince myself ending it is the right choice before she breaks me in two but when she cry's or talks to me about it my heart melts and i give in too her and give it another chance ) should i end it or what ?