I wouldn't say life is bad, i know there's some kid in guam or something dying of malaria or something who has it worse than me but that's not the problem, I don't care who has it worse than who. I feel like everything in my life will never change no matter how hard I try. I'm just stuck on the track of mediocrity and it will never be anything more or less than what it is. And that makes me feel like its pointless to use the recources to live If my life is never gonna mean anything.
Hey, I get what your saying cuz i honestly get that feeling sometimes... It really rough... but you gotta realize that you are important, and that this world does need you. You are probably stuck now, but one day you'll be free. and killing yourself wont let you free, it will put you and your loved one trapped forever. You wont get anything accomplished by killing yourself. all its gonna do is make your sitiation worse... if you need to talk to someone, call the crisis line. I call them all the time for that type of stuff... it will help I promise!
hope you feel better <3
Your question is deeply existential in nature and might best be considered within that framework. If you are not familiar with any of their works, I would suggest you read the short essay (its really only two pages) "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. It deals with Camus' response to 'the absurd'.
Some background: The Myth of Sisyphus is an old Greek story involving some guy who pissed the gods off and so was condemned to roll a boulder to the top of a hill, for it to fall back down again, and for him to roll it back up again, forever. Camus considers this as a metaphor for all of our human existence. A metaphor for 'the absurd.'
Some more background: 'the absurd' is a common philosophical element that runs throughout existentialist writings. It varies greatly between philosophers but it is, essentially, the realization that life is meaningless and happiness fleeting (that death turns all to ash and that even nation-builders build upon meaningless nothings - the universe cares nothing for our little lives). This can be a very depressing outlook but may be a necessary one, at least for many of us rationally seeking answers to our lives. I think this, or something very similar to this, is what you are intimating in your question.
Realization of the absurd sucks, it drains our life of meaning and makes happiness seem a far off dream, but this need not be the case. Once one realizes the absurdity of their life, one can come to terms with it, even come to embrace it! Yes, your life is meaningless (all our lives are meaningless). And yes, there is no real way out (suicide is always a valid option, but is, lets face it, a whole lot less fun). Camus' answer to this is to abandon hope (vis-a-vis our realization of the absurd) and embrace the experience of living, to love the moments of our existence: to live in the moment, if you will. This is Camus' conclusion at the end of his essay, that we "must imagine Sisyphus happy."
So, should you kill yourself because you will never amount to anything, yes and no. None of us will ever amount to anything (re: the absurd), and if that is something you cannot handle, suicide is an escape. However, being devoid of hope does not mean we are devoid of passion, of the ability to experience and find moments of joy, sorrow, lust, elation, contentment, even happiness - mayhap, and here's the rub, these moments can only truly be experienced after hope is abandoned! Anyway, my vote is usually for experience over death. The choice is always yours, though, as it is with all things.
PS: if existential thought is attractive to you, check out Jean-Paul Sartre as well - start with his essay "Existentialism is a Humanism." Existential philosophy is unique in its literary style, its lack of concern with the analytic method, its penchant for novels over arguments.
Well, I'm not into sugar coating mate. If you say you cant rise above your station ,then you wont, and your life will in fact not be important. If your going to do it, then do it. BUT! DO IT WELL!! before you off yourself take a bunch of risk (don't harm others) that you wouldn't take under any other circumstances. maybe in the process you find self worth , maybe you don't . Travel to where ever , do cocaine , find a person that needs an organ transplant and make it happen, volunteer in guam, learn how to skydive. ect.bring the noise before you finally give up. and if it works, write a book about that sh*t and become famous .... did I just blow your mind?