... day, I have no appetite and barely eat (I am already underweight, so this is VERY bad), and I have suicidal thoughts frequently. I have even devised a plan to kill myself, but have not followed through yet. I used to be a very funny and social person, but now I am disgusted by myself and can barely talk to people. My personality has changed so drastically that I fear I can never return to who I was before. While I am getting ready for school I feel very sick to my stomach and can barely eat breakfast. This queasiness persists until I am home. I have next to no friends and am too nervous to do much with the ones I have. I have a hard time finding people around me that share my interests and when I do I'm always too scared to talk to them. At certain points throughout the day I have to focus all my mental power on not throwing up and I can't focus on the task at hand. I'm so scared that I'll continue getting worse and end up killing myself. I do not want to put my family through that pain but sometimes I'm just not thinking straight. I think that medication could help me, but my mother is convinced that medication for mental illnesses is horribly bad for you. On top of that, I'm not sure if we could afford any kind of treatment. I have even told her the full extent of things because I'm not sure how she'll react. I'm in a very scary place right now and I just want things to get better. I should also mention that I've been feeling this way for three years, it is not something that just started up recently. I'm feeling like I'm losing my grip on things but I'm trying my best to remain hopeful that one day I can return to the great person I once was