I'm currently in a relationship of 5 years and my partner is a good person, but not good for me anymore, I guess. The older we get the more I see the differences, and I mean big ones, and I cannot picture us two together starting a family and spending the rest of our lives with each other. The thing is, we are together for such a long time I have a fear of the break-up solely because I cannot imagine how to be alone in life, by myself. Our relationship has become such a huge habit for me and is kinda my comfort-zone, which I'm afraid to step out of, no matter the fact I don't really want to be in it anymore. I have tried to break up a couple of times and found myself completely lost in my spare time - don't get me wrong, I have hobbies, I attend university, I have things to do in my life, but nevertheless, the times we broke up for a few weeks I felt like a little child whose parents were out of town and who wasn't able to do anything by itself. And the partner begged me to come back, so I eventually gave in. So...I am determined to finish this relationship. What I am asking is, how do I help myself become independent again, find myself (since I'm feeling like a huge part of my identity is made up from this relationship), how do I make a clean break up without going back (which is really hard since we live in the same city), has anyone here had experience with it and what would you suggest, how do I be happy by myself again?
Therapy. I'd sign up for a half dozen sessions or so.
The problem is why don't you like your own company? You don't want your partner back you want your emotional babysitter back. Just what do you think is going to happen to you if you go to the movies by yourself or go to bed alone?
Get your calendar out and every night for the next 6 weeks write in an activity. Let's say Monday night is laundry. Strip the bed do the laundry and put fresh sheets on the bed. Tuesday nights are study nights, library nights, magazine reading night, writing emails to friends night.
Wednesday is grocery store running errands night. Call it Walmart Wednesday. Thursday is manicure/pedicure night prepping for the weekend. Friday is meet up with a friend for coffee, dinner, a drink and share some appetizers. Saturday is self day. Gym, hobbies and personal interests. Look up Meet Up on lines and find some groups that share your interest in something and join. Sunday Study, prep cothes for the week or prep meals or lunches for the week.
You get the idea. Pencil it in fill your schedule and stick to it.
You asked how you can be happy by yourself..because you aren't with someone who makes you unhappy! It didnt sound as if you were happy with your partner. Turn the tv and have it running in the background if you need to feel thete is someone else around. Adopt a cat and talk to it.
You dont need other people to make you happy. Therapy will tell you why you don't like your own company. Millions of people do it.
Best wishes for a happy spring!