My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs. I have a small temper, but I'm just a girl. We had a fun night drinking together at his house, he fell asleep on his couch and I went upstairs to wait for him, but I read his text messages... which i usually never do. I found a text to a random girl that said "your a babe" at 3 in the morning, and he was most likely drunk. I was really hurt by it, I never would do that to him, when I'm drunk I'm more conscious about my actions. But being drunk that night i was really upset and went to wake him up. I asked him "who was the babe, who was that, why would you do that" he wouldn't even wake up when I was talking to him, he had to go to bed anyways so i had to wake him up. But i was so angry I took his phone and slammed it on his chest. like a punch, Not too hard, enough to where he could feel it, but I don't hurt him. He was furious and slammed me down to the floor, squeezed my arms and hit me a lot, punching me. i kicked him for defense but he kept hitting me. At this point i was in shock because he was being so violent, it continued in his room he grabbed my face and slammed my body against the wall, when he did that he hurt my eye pretty badly, the contact fell out and my eyelid is bruised. I ran to my car to cry but couldn't drive because i was drunk. But he came out and was demanding me to get out of the car, threatening me and left dents in it from him punching it. I got out and went to bed with him. But slept no where near him, on the opposite side of the bed. I cried myself to sleep as he was telling me to shut up because i was being loud. and its my fault for hitting him first. He thinks I'm hypocritical because i hit him first. But when i hit him its like a girl. he hits me like a man, harder, and a lot more. I know its my fault for starting it, but Im just so hurt from that text. My eye, both arms and back are bruised. I left early in the morning the next day. He called 2 hours later not remembering anything. He doesn't understand what happened. and Im just appalled. I do feel like a hypocrite because i did hit him, but was it okay for him to go this far? He came over even though i told him not to, saying he was embarrassed doing this to me, he felt like he was set up bc i hit him while he was sleeping, he was apologizing to me. and its just so hard, i don't know what to do. He was drunk and vulnerable, but he totally crossed the line because I'm here with big bruises on both arms, and a bruised eye lid. We've had hitting problems before, a long time ago though. he tells me if i don't want to get hit back, i shouldn't hit him. but he hurts me so much more, i don't hit him back after, its not a fist fight or anything. Things just got out of control with him. I don't know if i should forgive him because he was drunk and i started it, or if this is really a problem. please help me. should i accept his apology, was everything really my fault, Its so hard for me to get rid of him, because we've been together for so long, did he cross the line?