My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs. I have a small temper, but I'm just a girl. We had a fun night drinking together at his house, he fell asleep on his couch and I went upstairs to wait for him, but I read his text messages... which i usually never do. I found a text to a random girl that said "your a babe" at 3 in the morning, and he was most likely drunk. I was really hurt by it, I never would do that to him, when I'm drunk I'm more conscious about my actions. But being drunk that night i was really upset and went to wake him up. I asked him "who was the babe, who was that, why would you do that" he wouldn't even wake up when I was talking to him, he had to go to bed anyways so i had to wake him up. But i was so angry I took his phone and slammed it on his chest. like a punch, Not too hard, enough to where he could feel it, but I don't hurt him. He was furious and slammed me down to the floor, squeezed my arms and hit me a lot, punching me. i kicked him for defense but he kept hitting me. At this point i was in shock because he was being so violent, it continued in his room he grabbed my face and slammed my body against the wall, when he did that he hurt my eye pretty badly, the contact fell out and my eyelid is bruised. I ran to my car to cry but couldn't drive because i was drunk. But he came out and was demanding me to get out of the car, threatening me and left dents in it from him punching it. I got out and went to bed with him. But slept no where near him, on the opposite side of the bed. I cried myself to sleep as he was telling me to shut up because i was being loud. and its my fault for hitting him first. He thinks I'm hypocritical because i hit him first. But when i hit him its like a girl. he hits me like a man, harder, and a lot more. I know its my fault for starting it, but Im just so hurt from that text. My eye, both arms and back are bruised. I left early in the morning the next day. He called 2 hours later not remembering anything. He doesn't understand what happened. and Im just appalled. I do feel like a hypocrite because i did hit him, but was it okay for him to go this far? He came over even though i told him not to, saying he was embarrassed doing this to me, he felt like he was set up bc i hit him while he was sleeping, he was apologizing to me. and its just so hard, i don't know what to do. He was drunk and vulnerable, but he totally crossed the line because I'm here with big bruises on both arms, and a bruised eye lid. We've had hitting problems before, a long time ago though. he tells me if i don't want to get hit back, i shouldn't hit him. but he hurts me so much more, i don't hit him back after, its not a fist fight or anything. Things just got out of control with him. I don't know if i should forgive him because he was drunk and i started it, or if this is really a problem. please help me. should i accept his apology, was everything really my fault, Its so hard for me to get rid of him, because we've been together for so long, did he cross the line?
You need to get out of that. It's unhealthy and it's just gonna lead to depression, then you'll never be happy. That's not how a guy is suppose to treat his lady even if you threw his phone on his chest. You didn't hit him with your fist, but he hit you. That is not okay. You need to get away from hit asap. I know it'll be hard, but it's definitely what's better for you. There is no forgiving him on that one bc if he's already done it once there is not telling when he's gonna do it again.
Hey girl. I don't know how long ago this happened. The SAME thing happened to me, except this man strangled me and I thought I was going to die. This has changed me forever. I still feel like I love him, but, bottom line is - I love me more. All the signs of him having self control and self esteem issues were evident long before any verbal, emotional, or physical abuse occurred. The more I let him get away with, the farther he went. He never said he was sorry, blamed me, etc. Just walk away honey. Be strong. Heal. He has hurt you - badly and deeply. Men like these need victims to feed from, like parasites. I feel your pain, your hesitation, your fear. I am right there with you. You are precious and worthy of a man who will not only not physically hurt you, but he won't text other women even if he wants to. He won't because he respects and loves you. This will happen when you set firm boundaries out of love and respect for yourSELF. It's not easy, but it gets easier with time. Cut the man out of your life, go to counseling, work on you. It's really hard at first sister, but you have to. If you dont, he will end up killing you or breaking your spirit (that's just like being dead). When you have thoughts about missing him, remember the punches and the pain and humiliation and the dark look in his eyes. You helped me by posting your question and the horrible details. Now I know what I must do. I'm filing a protective order with the court. He's on probation for a felony drug conviction and will likely go to jail. He made his choice, and it was all about him and he didn't give a rat's ads about me over and over and over. That's abusive, it's wrong, and strangling your intimate partner is a felony. I choose me. If I do nothing and say nothing, this means I give him permission to treat me like a POS. I am worthy of being treated like a princess and loved and protected. So are you. Take a stand. Choose you. Be careful, be vocal, and be vigilant. He needs help and you can't fix him. Love to you.
You didn't start it, he did by talking to someone else. You deserve so much better.
I found this article because I looked up, "If a man hits you, hit him back," because domestic violence laws where loosed in parts of Eastern Europe this week (I'm in the U.S. fyi).
Yes you hit him first, but he hurt you enough for you to get upset. I would have beat him with a baseball bat after he hit you. Never think because you are a girl you're weaker.
I keep trying to tell myself an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind, so don't hit back. I'm not that wise yet.
This situation isn't love. Don't stay. You deserve to be loved. Everyone does in my opinion.
I was in two abusive relationships, but I didn't put up with it. I hit back, beat back, setup, and left. Both relationships lasted three years, but that's not love.
Leave him, and you'll find someone who treats you better. Someone who loves you will never flirt around. I would have left at the sight of the text, but I'm also 33, and I've been in 7 relationships.
I can tell you, it's not worth the fight. You'll find someone amazing one day, that you won't want to ever hit, because they'll be good to you. You'll love them, and they'll love you. Most moments will be happy, and you'll discuss how to avoid the evils and temptations of the world. I'm there now.
I'm not a really religious person, normally; but I can say, once you find the person who brings out the goodness in you and you in them, you'll understand God. You'll know not only you, but so many other people deserve better.
Keep your head up, enjoy the things you love, and the people who are good to you, and find the strength to leave. Then when you least expect it, you'll find the most loving comfort you could ever possibly experience. At that point you may have to explain to the person who loves you, why you even stayed as long as you did, and why you didn't have the self respect to leave; but it'll help you understand.
Then you can tell another beautiful girl your story. ;)
I'm not even going to read your discription. A man should never hit a woman, but a woman also has no right to hit a man. Legally he had every right to drop you, but your a woman so if you take him to court you'll win cause your favored. <-- there's one of your flip flops for equality damned feminists.
Even if he has proof you hit him first, then went on about self defense. He will not win the argument. Maybe e if you should leave him, maybe the question is, should he leave you?
My God the advice you have received is horrible. This is a complex issue and frankly the question you are posing is irrelevant. First, this is the very definition of interpersonal chaos that needs serious attention if you want long term happiness. Here are a few things I suggest:
1. Break it off with this guy immediately. Do not be vindictive just tell him that you need space to get well.
2. Get consuling. It sounds like you may have an issue with alcohol that likely runs in the family. There may be other very serious issues at play.
3. Do not get into a relationship until you can stabilize your life and what has bright you to a very dangerous place. It may take years. But if you don't get serious then you are in for a not so good life.
4. Focus on having girl friends that are from stable backgrojnds. Men are not going to validate you or dictate your happiness. I say this as a man.
He punched your car, leaving dents, he threatened you, he slammed you on the wall by your face, he threw you on the floor and beat you. All cause you slammed his phone on his chest for cheating and not waking up to talk about it. Girl, no. I would've hit that guy in the head with a frying pan. You're all bruised up and shit cause he overreacted. He shouldn't have ever even hit you with a closed fist. He's a grown ass man. You need to leave him because he is abusive. There's more where that came from, trust me. Doesn't matter if he was drunk or tired. He shouldn't have reacted that way. You need to go and if you don't have anywhere to go you can come stay with me. Matter of fact who is he? You need to get a restraining order on him or tell your brothers or cousins or something. DONT FORGIVE HIM. DONT SPEAK TO HIM EVER AGAIN.
There is a difference between a reflex (self defense) action and continued physical abuse. On the other hand waking up someone drunk who you already know is capable of being physical was a bad idea. If I was you I would ask myself if I feel safe with him. Also I wouldn't poke the bear so to speak in the future if you like being with guys with that much testosterone/pinned up aggression. There are plenty of guys who would not react like that to you slamming a phone on them but some women don't find those kind of guys attractive...
My boyfriend is mentally and physically abusive. Men who abuse women will ALWAYS blame the woman in one way or another. He can TORMENT me but if I tell him he hurt me he will go into a demon rage and it will last for three days. Always. Three days. I can't work. I spin in depression. I've lost jobs because of him stalking me at work. I thought because we knew each other as kids I would finally be safe from abuse . WRONG. Last night he started with me again. We had just finished a movie and I was looking into his eyes and then he said 'every time I look at you all I see is you telling me you hate me'. I said every time I see a bruise on me I remember what u did like NOW on my arm! He told me again how I deserved it and his pain is a lot worse than mine. I know jail made him mentally Ill. I'm TRYING to understand him. But its almost impossible to love someone who abuses you. It took me years and Years to forgive my parents who abused me. When I look at him , sometimes I just see another one of my abusers. Another man who raped me or smothered me or choked me. That's what I see. And I'm really close to saying that to him. But it will cost me another three days of my life and more bruises.
Alright, I'm sick and tired of this.
First off, if you can't take a punch then you shouldn't give a punch. And I know that you said it wouldn't have "hurt him", but drunk or not, I highly doubt he would've hit you if you just kind of... applied pressure to him with your phone. Second, yes, he DID punch you more then just once, but you were both drunk. And I know someone up there said something about guys being aware of their actions whether drunk or not, but that's simply not true. Alcohol has different affects on different people. If he really sounded like he didn't have a clue what you were talking about, then he probably didn't.
So don't break up with him. I'm not sure if it's too late now, but give him a second chance. The first step you need to make to ensure this doesn't happen again is to try not to drink too much. Then, if he hits you like this again, and your never hurt him once, then THAT'S where your should draw the line.
Hope this helped.
I have been through this recently and I know how hard this can be. Although not entirely related, the point of the story is the same.
My now ex was screaming in my face at the time, goading me and threatening my family. I snapped and slapped him (not hard), more to get him away from me than to hurt him. He immediately punched me several times, leaving my face bruised and swollen. He called the police saying I assaulted him and I was consequently arrested. HOWEVER, whilst in custody, it was decided that I acted in self defence, and that regardless of whether I had, that he used "unreasonable force".
It is never right to hit anybody, and I think everybody knows that, but there is a certain force that can be used in terms of self defence. He cannot justifiably (morally or legally), behave that way towards you. There was an excessive amount of force used, and although both parties were drunk and yes, maybe you shouldn't have reacted the way you did, there is no excuse for his behaviour.
Please, get out, and maybe find someone to talk to about it who can advise you of your rights, should he take things further. You may be able to forgive that, but it is only something that you can decide. The fact that you've posted here maybe suggests that you're looking for an excuse to leave. People like that will never change. Save yourself the heartache and anything worse that may happen down the line.
I wish you the best, and know that you should not be treated that way by someone that loves you. Everybody makes mistakes, but to take it to the extreme like he did is completely and utterly wrong.